One day while I was tutoring an adorable 6 year old girl in her home, her 80 year old grandmother surprised my by wrapping a rope around my butt, taking a measurement and then lecturing me loudly in her village dialect that I couldn’t understand. Being from the Canton area, it was a version of Cantonese, not Mandarin, so I didn’t catch a single word. I looked hopelessly over at my young student and she happily translated:

“She says your butt is way too big”, the girl told me, “it means you’re going to get really sick if you don’t get rid of it. A big belly is good, but a big butt means that you sit for too long and don’t move.”

I laughed and asked her to translate back for me, “I’m a white person,” I said, “If I were a lazy white person my butt would be three times the size!”

This in combination with my class of first graders who would constantly say: “老师有很大屁股！ 打她屁股!” I was getting a little worried that my butt was going to come between me and meaningful relationships with my students :P Luckily none of them ever tried.

I especially agree about your #2, and any female who has to grow up in the Western media’s toxic environment has my sincere sympathy whether they want it or not.

That point, that Western women in China tend to be overly sensitive has come up a few times on here… I forget where exactly. Maybe here: 关心 talk: so offensive it’s funny

Our teachers have commented more than once: “Foreigners are too sensitive!” I agree, but that doesn’t mean Chinese aren’t too insensitive as well. Still makes for funny stories though!

about your points (with the caveat that i realize this is an old post and so your perspectives might have evolved):

1. i think that’s not the only difference in terms of sales service. another issue is that the average store in north america the salespeople are employees trained by a corporation that has plenty of money to spend on floor models of the clothes, damage to the clothes, etc. in china often the salesperson is also the shop owner and by extension, owner of all the clothes. if they allow somebody to try on an item of clothing that’s too small for them (and i think north americans have a tendency toward distorted body image and thus frequently try clothes that are too small, especially if the size isn’t marked), they run the risk of the item being damaged, seams and zippers ripped, etc. probably safer to offend the customer than to have the clothing damaged and still not make a sale. it’s also pragmatic: why should either party bother taking the time to try on something that (at least from the salesperson’s perspective) clearly won’t fit? usually, actually, they’ll have a tape measure on hand to save everyone the trouble.

2. i think westerners in general tend to be highly sensitive about our appearances, especially body image, in relation to our self-worth. this is something ingrained into us from a young age, by the media and consumerist machines. that’s what much of the fuss among feminists and anti-consumerist groups is about–what the consuming does to our self-perceptions. when it comes down to it, IS there a reason to get so worked up if we’re a bit fatter than the next girl? we’re led to believe that the extra pounds makes us less attractive. whether or not it actually does is questionable. and, conversely, i think that because it’s become such a sensitive issue for us, a lot of us ARE in denial about our own bodies, believing we’re fatter or thinner than we actually are. i think the whole implementation of consumerism, marketing media, etc. in china is why body image is starting to become an issue among younger generations, but, like you said, when an older generation makes a remark it’s not meant to offend or whatever. on the other hand, i’m not the only to have noted that chinese people tend to blurt out whatever’s on their mind on some matters–my mom (chinese) never has any problem telling me immediately just how bad my hair/clothing/whatever looks.

finally, the most recent time i’ve had one of these comments was about a month ago, at a friend’s birthday party. the guests–all of whom were locals except for the birthday girl (ethnically chinese and very slender), me (admittedly, having put on some weight recently and dressed rather immodestly since it was so darn hot), and one other guy who didn’t understand chinese or therefore any of the exchange–were sitting around, snacking and conversing when my friend mentioned that a new vegetarian restaurant had just opened up to me. her language teacher, probably in her 30s, who i’d met briefly, once, turns to me and asks if i’m vegetarian, which i affirmed. then she literally looked me up and down and said, “看不出来!” there was an uncomfortable pause as the two non-locals (me and the birthday girl) digested her meaning, and then she started giggling and her husband started admonishing her for her big mouth. the other guests looked slightly uncomfortable, and one, also a little on the chubby side, said “吃素还是能长胖” i guess to ease the tension. anyway i was shocked at how, after five years of living here, i was still so offended and sensitive about the remark; on the other hand, i was thinking that judging by the big-mouth’s, her husband’s, and the other people in the room’s reactions, it’s not like she was being unknowingly rude … it was like she knew she was being rude and didn’t hold her tongue in time anyway. i was close to tears, feeling humiliated in a rather intimate setting with a group of strangers–mostly because i knew what she said was true–and having the compounded annoyances of realizing i was in denial about having gained weight, and that after so long i’m still not used to such comments, etc. etc. but after that my mood changed to anger and annoyance (also at her ignorance that the only reason she could see for eating vegetarian would be to lose weight, apparently) and, finally, a -it mood, after which i ate all the effing free cheese i could fit into my mouth and comiserated with a late-arriving friend who had also recently put on some weight and shared her being-called-fat stories. and FINALLY, it did kick my to start running again and shed those pounds i’ve gained since quitting.

My husband is from Ningxia. The first time I went to his hometown everyone asked me how much I make and my sister-in-law asked whether I earned more than my husband (her brother), that’s just so embarrassing! No one in Canton or Shanghai would ever ever ask that question! At first I thought that they may be curious about my salary only, but then as it goes with my trip, I know everyone’s salary because they just speak it out so naturally and others asked so naturally! I think about it, and my conclusion is, because in the old days when we have a planned economy, people’s salary is very similar (and relatively fixed) and publicized, so some people/provinces who are still used to the planned economy do not feel salary a privacy. But I promise you no Chinese will ask you about salary in places like Shenzhen, SH or BJ.