Funny video: Pronouncing English with Chinese syllables

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| Chinglish | Cute | Learning Mandarin |

It’s fun when you can get a joke in another language, even if it is middle school potty humour. I’ve come across this joke before, and it’s a funny demonstration of the pronunciation differences between Chinese and English.

The dialogue in English and Chinese (with mouseover pinyin) is below the video clip:

Kid: [Mouth] 猫屎! Cat poo!
Teacher: ! Correct!
Kid: [Earth] 耳屎! Earwax!
Teacher: ! Good!
Kid: [Bees] 鼻屎! Snot!
Teacher: 最后一个! Last one!
Kid: [Last] 拉屎! Go poo!
Teacher: 之后……? All answered correctly! And after going poo…?
Kid: [Yes] 爷死! Grandpa dies!
Kid: [Nice] 奶死! Grandma dies!
Teacher: OK!
Kid: [Bus] 爸死! Dad dies!
Teacher: ! Oh, great!
Kid: [Knees] 你死! You die!
Teacher: Mmm-hmm.
Kid: [Was] 我死! I die!
Teacher:
Kid: [Does] 都死! All die!
Teacher: 之后? After everybody dies?
Kid: [One dollar] 完蛋了! (We’re) doomed! [lit. "The egg is done"; fig. "We're done for/doomed/finished/toast".]
Teacher: ! All answered correctly!

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Chinese “compliments” — English student edition

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| Being Chinese about it | Chinglish | Cute | People | Students | Teaching English |

Chinese ways of showing interest, care or concern for someone often take the form of unsolicited advice about things foreigners consider very personal, usually with humourous (if the foreigners are well-adjusted) or tearful (if they’re not) results. Here’s what one of my bald coworkers received in a Chinese Valentine’s Day card from one of our students:

I had an experience of touching your head. It was not slipped as I imagined. but it was nice. At last, I have a suggestion: lose some weight! You’ll more handsome, no the most handsome if you lose your weight!

Have a baby soon.

For more about this quirky (to us) Chinese way of showing interest, care or concern see:

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Merry Chinese Christmas… text message style

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| Blessings | Chinglish | Christmas | Culture fun |

It’s custom in China to send people wishes via text message on the biggest holidays, sort of like what Christmas cards used to be in North America. Here’s one I received on Christmas Day from a friend:

Joel! Merry Christmas to you and Jessica and Lilian! Including yours friends and your parents, brother sisters! Merry Christmas to every Americans and Canadians!

And, for the second day of Christmas, here’s a song of hope by Over the Rhine:

Audio clip: Adobe Flash Player (version 9 or above) is required to play this audio clip. Download the latest version here. You also need to have JavaScript enabled in your browser.

See more about Christmas in China here:

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Beware “EXPLOSIVE DOG” in Tianjin, China

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| Chinglish | Photo posts |

Chinglish is everywhere in China, but rarely is it this awesome!

I saw this tonight in the Tianjin subway. It’s handler gave me permission to take her explosive dog’s picture. “Explosive dog” is 搜爆犬 (sōu bào quǎn).

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Chinglish fun: transliteration disasters

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| Being Chinese about it | Chinglish | Learning Mandarin | Lost in translation | Teaching English |

You realize just how related the Chinese and English languages aren’t when you come across transliterated words. Using Chinese syllables to pronounce English words often results in something completely unrecognizable and counterintuitive to native English speakers; we could never guess what the original English word was, and, if we’ve studied any Chinese ourselves, we often feel we could come up with alternative transliterations that make much more sense.

“Qiáo ěr” (乔尔) is “Joel”, for example, but “zhōu ōu” is one of a couple alternatives that sound closer to me. “Obama” is “ào bā mǎ” (奥巴马, like “ow! bama”) even though in Chinese you could easily transliterate the vowels almost exactly (“ōu bā mǎ” / 欧巴马). The other day one of my students did this in reverse as a joke. He held up a sign for me to read that said: “Pieces war found.” To a Chinese ear it sounds like “pì shì wǒ fàngde” (屁是我放的), which basically means, “I’m the one who farted.” They thought it was funny and so did I, but only because it requires a really bad Chinese accent to make the connection between those English words and that Chinese sentence. I doubt that a native English who’s never studied Chinese would be able to connect those dots.

Last night a Chinese friend showed me Chinese blog post of unintentionally funny English translations on Chinese signage that included this worksheet of a naughty elementary student. Apparently someone’s harbouring some negative feelings toward his or her English homework:

Not only are they trying to pronounce English with Chinese syllables, but rather than just use meaningless rough phonetic equivalents they deliberately chose certain characters to turn the English words into a Chinese joke (or at least vent some homework frustrations?):

  1. bus (bà sǐ / 爸死 / “dad is dead”)
  2. yes (yé sǐ / 爷死 / “grandpa is dead”)
  3. girls (gē sǐ / 哥死 / “older brother is dead”)
  4. miss (mèi sǐ / 妹死 / “little sister is dead”)
  5. school (sǐ guāng / 死光 / “dead completely / die off”)
  6. pea (pì / 屁 / “fart”)
  7. yesterday (yē sǐ tā diē / 噎死他爹 / “Choke to death, his dad”)
  8. guess (gāi sǐ / 该死 / “should die” [This is how they usually translate swear words like "darn!" (but stronger) in movie subtitles.])
  9. dangerous (dān jiǎo lā shǐ / 单脚拉屎 / “stand on one foot, poop”)
  10. five (fèi wù / 废物 / “rubbish / useless (person)”)
  1. Hands,hands,two hands. I have two hands (hàn zǐ hàn zǐ, tōu hàn zǐ, ǎn hái lái tōu hàn zǐ / 汉子汉子偷汉子俺还来偷汉子 / “guy guy steal a guy [cheat on your husband], I’m still stealing a guy”)
  2. How are you. What is you name (hào ā yóu. wǒ sǐ yòu nèn / 耗啊油,我死又嫩)

The Chinese isn’t all correct and some is totally meaningless; he’s just cramming the characters into the English sounds. But you can see what he’s going for. Someone needs to give these kids a break, or a spanking…

Other Chinese education system stuff:

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When it comes to Chinglish, fair is fair

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| Chinglish | Learning Mandarin | Teaching English |

One of my friends in particular loves to practice his Chinglish on me. I in turn refuse to reply in English, opting instead to inflict him with my own Chinglish. For example, he just sent me this text:

Great! man I will going to the shan xi road on this Sunday. I’ll waiting for you at entrance. Time is 10:20am. Don’t be late,man! By the way! Don’t forget one thing. I needs give your lilian add hers cloths. Winter already was coming! I’m a superman. I can’t feel cold. Haha! How interesting! I said. All right then! Good night! Man Wish your baby has a sweet dream! See you soon!

I have no doubt that my Chinese sounds like this sometimes often. It always helps to keep a little perspective!

(P.S. – Friends don’t let friends use Grand Theft Auto to study English.)


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What’s in a (Chinglish) name? I’ll tell you…

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| Being Chinese about it | Chinglish | People | Students | Teaching English |

I like that Chinese people sometimes choose unusual English names or transliterate their names into English (when they can), not because we get to laugh at the occasionally odd results (though that is fun), but because a good Chinglish name often contains some self-expression while still being workable in English (Apple, Moon, Star, Rainbow, etc.); in perhaps an indirect or vague sort of way it expresses part of them and the fact that they’re Chinese and Chinese people do names differently than we do. Why shouldn’t they carve out their own space in the English name landscape? Of course other names, while nice in Chinese, are simply no good in English (Drizzle, Ripple); they’re too strange or silly to actually function as truly usable English names. I’ll let you decide for yourselves which of my current students’ names below have real potential. They’re listed in the order they came to mind:

  • AK (yes, like the gun, she picked it on purpose because she likes guns.)
  • Falcon (formerly Eagle: he had an annoying coworker named after some other kind of bird in Chinese, Sparrow I think, so for his English name he chose a bird that eats his coworker’s kind of bird.)
  • Gaga
  • Florra (She wanted to be different, but a bunch of other Chinese women who also wanted to be different already had the idea of using the Spanish word for flower, so she added an r.)
  • Enya
  • Eack (was supposed to be “Ike”, but somehow he spelled it wrong).
  • Kobe
  • Bryant
  • Carter (we knew a “Spippen” in Taibei).
  • Ray (don’t know why she picked this).
  • Cherry
  • Candy
  • Duke
  • Evian
  • Edword (because he likes words).
  • Win (I forget why she said she picked this)
  • Queena
  • Long (going for “dragon” ()? I don’t know.)
  • Sharpay
  • Coco

(This is exactly why it took me several months before finally settling on a Chinese name.)

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It goes both ways…

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| China: life & times | Chinglish | Culture fun | Learning Mandarin | Olympics |

If you’ve ever wondered what our Chinese sounds like to Chinese people, this movie trailer makes a fine dynamic equivalent:

Man I hope they’re selling $1 copies of this on the street soon!

(P.S. – if you can’t see this video, you can try its original YouTube page: Mad About English! – Official Theatrical Trailer 2008.)

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Community Art Project: interpret this

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| Chinglish | Underappreciated genius |

For our interpretive community. Lots of you are educated in literature and things relating to textual criticism. Surely with our powers combined we can find meaning in this.


Friend
-5′C
because you don’t
force yourself go fall,
you just fall.

Like there are many stars up in the sky, my words for you in this paper resemble tiny bits or seeds.

because you don’t
force yourself go fall,
you just fall.

Cherry! Cherry! Cherry!

My friends

Any and all interpretive attempts are welcome!

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Choosing Chinese Names: more dangerous than you think

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| Being Chinese about it | China books & DVDs | Chinglish | Cultural perspectives | Culture fun | Learning Mandarin | Lost in translation | River Town |

We are overdue to have Chinese names. But for Westerners, choosing a good Chinese name is harder than you might think. One American that my teacher knows picked her own name, choosing the characters in part based on what looked nice. She didn’t know it, but her named ended up meaning “insecticide.”

People have to call you something, and the average person on the street in China is going to have serious trouble hearing, pronouncing, and remembering most English names (and vice versa in North America).

Chinese given-names also carry relatively more meaning than English names do. Many Chinese are very careful about what name they choose for their children, sometimes even paying professionals to pick the best sounding and most auspicious name. It’s a popular belief that a name can affect a person’s destiny and success.

When Mainland Chinese choose English names, it’s often based entirely on meaning. For example, a friend of ours is teaching several hundred students at a local university. In her classes she has students named: “Star,” “Moon,” “Taste,” “Apple,” “Banana”… and every English teacher here has lists like this. In Taiwan they seemed to do much better with their English names, though we did get a “Grack” and a “Neo.” Often the English teacher gets to give the students their English names. Peter Hessler, author of River Town: Two Years on the Yangtze, used names of his family members and stereotypically African American names like “Shaniqua” to name his students. Other teachers name their students after characters from their favourite TV show (like Jerry, Kramer, Elaine, and George). Sometimes boys accidentally pick girls’ names. In Texas we knew a girl from Macao who changed her English name from Sam to Cinderella when she found out Sam was a boy’s name. “Cinderella” went on to become the first international student (and probably the first non-sorority president) to win Homecoming Queen. We were proud.

So, choosing a Chinese name… How do you avoid getting the Chinese equivalent of Taste, Kramer, or Grack when you are new to the language and it would take decades to learn and feel all the possible meanings associated with potential names?

You could get a Chinese name from your Mandarin teacher. They often give names, sometimes simply assigning the transliteration of the student’s English name on the first day of class. Neither of us want that; transliterated names sound funny to native Mandarin speakers, and the first character of mine is also apparently shared by George Bush. You could also ask (and trust) a really close Chinese friend who knows you well to give you a good one. Jessica I think will go this route. I’m going a third route: pick some ideas/themes that you like, decide if you care more about meaning or phonetic closeness to your English name, and ask a bunch of Chinese friends to suggest some names with explanations. I sent the e-mail out Sunday and suggestions are coming in. I’ll post them when most or everyone has replied.

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    国保/国宝

    Pronounced: guó ​bǎo
    Literally: National Security/National Treasure
    Means: The two terms are homophones, and "national treasure" often means "panda". A writer at Seeing Red in China explains the rest: "how panda becomes the symbol for Chinese security thugs: Chinese national security (more like secret police) is called 国保 (guó ​bǎo) for short, and it’s pronounced exactly the same as 国宝, national treasure. Netizens sometimes refer 国保 as 国宝, jokingly, hence Panda, China’s national treasure. Kungfu Panda movies provided the basis for Panda to be a martial character."

    With the recent confrontation between Batman actor Christian Bale and some infamous Chinese security thugs, online Chinese are been passing around "Pandaman vs. Batman" jokes, and photoshopping "Pandaman" into all kinds of scenarios, including movie posters and images from other security embarrassments and scandals. See here, here and here for more.

    - 2011/12/19

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    InterWǎng Debris

    Recent China internet debris.

    Those aren't Chinese New Year's fireworks; they're "recreational munitions"

    From Nankai Rob's Chinese New Year 2012 post "Spring Festival Time. . .Lock and Load":
    "...parties are held on a scale so massive that Caligula would have nodded in approval, and enough recreational munitions are set off to make the Battle of Waterloo feel like a suburban bar mitzvah. You’ll notice my careful word choice here: “recreational munitions” rather than “fireworks.” “Fireworks” as a term carries with it more celebratory, even innocent connotations, but you can’t define Chinese celebratory fireworks by the intent behind them. Certainly they’re set off with great excitement and joy, but you can, after all, also lob a grenade into a dumpster with great excitement and joy, and most of what is being set off these days qualifies for inclusion in the dumpster-grenade category. So: recreational munitions."

    For more about the genuinely stunning Chinese New Year fireworks phenomenon with photos and video, see:

    Happy Chinese New Year!

    - 2012/01/22

    Tension rising with Mainland students in American universities

    Interesting observations at China Law Blog about how Mainland Chinese students studying in the USA -- in contrast to Chinese from other countries -- are apparently generating a lot of anger among the American students: Chinese Students In America. It's Bad Out There.

    It seems that Mainland Chinese attitudes toward education don't play well among their American classmates. For example:

    "They cheat all the time. It is pretty unbelievable how often I have seen them cheating. I am always complaining to my professors about this, but they usually just act like they are too important to deign to deal with something like this. Just come watch a test being adminstered and it will be obvious. They are allowed to get away with it because they pay the foreign tuition rate."

    "One student told me of how all the students not from China agreed not to speak one day to see what would happen. There was no class discussion and the teacher asked them not to do it again."

    - 2012/01/11

    A brief introduction to Watchman Nee & the Little Flock Movement

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    A basic understanding of the place of Watchman Nee and the Little Flock Movement in Chinese history adds some helpful nuance to understanding the relationships between the Party, Chinese Christianity, the TSPM, and Chinese patriotism and anti-foreignism.

    - 2011/12/29

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